The Fear of Breastfeeding Outside the Home
Before having my own children, I had seen many babies being nursed. At home. In private. However, I never saw children, even babies, being breastfed in a public setting. Llama was born in 2014, at the height of social media storms on people getting negative attention for breastfeeding in public. I was extremely fearful every time we would go out to the store that she would be hungry and someone would choose me to say something to.
What the Law Says About Breastfeeding in Public
In Maine, the Right to Breast-feed law was passed in 2001 and revised in 2021. This simply states,
“Notwithstanding any provision of law to the contrary, a person may breast-feed that person’s baby in any location, public or private, where the person is otherwise authorized to be.”
Even knowing this, my guard was up. I would nurse only in my car or in a dedicated lactation area. Occasionally, I would ask to use the dressing rooms, depending on the store. I would never latch her on in the store just willy-nilly. I certainly wouldn’t latch her in public through one of those “latch-on” events where they took photos. My breastfeeding photos were PRIVATE, and that was that.
Until it wasn’t.
My First Experience Nursing in Public
I begged her to nurse before we went to dinner. She was maybe 3 months old. We sat in the car the entire time we were waiting for the table, boob out, trying to latch her. She wasn’t ready, even though it was “time”. Alex, my husband, finally had a table for us and asked me to just come inside and order dinner. “If she gets hungry, then you two can just come back out to the car.”
By this point, my stomach was growling. I remembered that I had barely eaten throughout the day. I was absolutely starving. Ordered my dinner, and we waited forever. It seemed everyone around us was getting their dinner first instead of us.
Everything finally arrived. Just in time for Llama also decided that she was hungry, too. I nearly burst into tears. How could I nurse her and eat my dinner?
My stomach growled audibly. I seriously needed just a few bites in my belly to make it through feeding her, too.
“Just latch her in here, and I will cut your food up for you so you can eat, too,” Alex suggested. As if it were just that easy. I mean, it should have been, but it went against everything that my brain said I needed to do.
I brought my shirt up, ever so carefully, you know, not to show anything.
I latched her on (as fast as possible), and did as Alex encouraged.
Only then did I notice them. There, in the back, was a much older couple at the end of the room, staring and whispering. They continued to do so throughout the remainder of their meal, pointing occasionally, covering their mouths.
I was so nervous.
Uncomfortable.
Worried for the confrontation that was sure to come. I whispered to Alex, “Just so you know, they are going to complain about us.”
Unexpected Support That Changed Everything
They gathered up their leftovers and began walking in our direction. I cringed.
I was ready for the worst.
“I just have to say, I am so proud of you and your little family. This is the best thing that I have ever seen, and we should definitely have more families open to breastfeeding in public.”
She said, stopping at our table.
I was in absolute shock. It wasn’t what I expected at all.
“Enjoy your evening and take care of that precious husband you have there.” She continued, just walking by before I could even think of something to say.
I went from “fight or flight” straight into complete and total awe. Our dinner that evening was fully paid for by that nice couple. Such a sweet gesture, but even a decade later, it means everything to me.
Gaining Confidence as a Public Breastfeeding Mom
If you saw me with my second or third child out in public, you may be appalled to know that I would just pull a full breast out and give it to them in the shopping cart. As soon as they could sit up on their own, that was how 99% of our shopping experiences went.
I learned that I just didn’t have the time, patience, (or back strength), to hold them, push the cart, keep the other child(ren) nearby, and keep shopping. So, “flop it out and keep on moving” became my shopping trip motto.
Before they were big enough for that, I would have them in their baby wraps, worn tight to my chest, still with a full boob out so that my baby may nurse to their heart’s content.
I would also double up my shirts (shout-out to the early 2000s for preparing my layering game), so that the tank top would cover my stomach, and then I would use the t-shirt to cover the upper portion of my breast. I tried all of the “nursing covers,” but Llama ripped every single one of them off, no matter what.
Honestly, she probably would have had me ditch the t-shirt, too, but that clearly wasn’t happening.
Discretion (or Not) in Public
I’ve had many years of experience with breastfeeding since meeting that couple oh so many years ago. Eight total years of experience, if you don’t double up on the time the girls were tandem nursed.
I eventually learned it’s okay to breastfeed no matter where you are. I even learned many different techniques to make it easier to be “discreet” while nursing in public. Though in my experience, all discretion (and modesty for that matter) goes right out the window once you have had three children.
You know, it’s like that saying, “discretion is in the eye of the beholder”, or whatever that saying is.
What I mean is, you don’t have to be discreet unless you, or your baby, feel it’s necessary.
